


I'm with Cupid

by gluupor



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Magic, Matchmaking, Neil is a literal angel, Silly, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 07:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17782940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluupor/pseuds/gluupor
Summary: Neil is a reluctant Cupid who can't return home until he's finished his assignment. Unfortunately, the human he's been tasked with finding a match for is resisting all his matchmaking efforts. But Neil's not a quitter. He's going to make sure that Andrew Minyard falls in love whether he wants to or not.





	I'm with Cupid

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, AFTG Fandom! Have some fluffy ridiculousness!
> 
> Because [my fic for the AFTG Valentine's Day Exchange](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17754917) (I also picked up a pinch hit which is undergoing final editing and will be posted in a couple days) had absolutely nothing to do with Valentine's Day, I decided I wanted to write a fic that did, and my brain spat out this nonsense.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Humans, thought Neil, had invented many wonderful and amazing things. Pizza, for one. Snuggies. Democracy. Reclining armchairs. All good things that Neil never would have experienced if humans hadn't dragged themselves out of their primordial goo.

Bureaucracy, on the other hand, could go suck a dick. Oh, he understood the purpose for it - it would never do to send an Avenging Angel to where an Angel of Good Fortune was needed, for example - but there _must_ be some kind of organizational system that didn't require so much damned paperwork. He could still remember the good old days (and didn't _that_ make him feel old?) before the Archangels had witnessed bureaucracy at work and decided to adopt it.

He was in the middle of filling out reports for the work he'd performed during his shift. Neil liked his job as an Angel of Death but he couldn't fathom why he had to fill out reams of paperwork every time he helped a human pass on when a single checkbox would do.

'Yes,' the text beside the checkbox could say, 'I retrieved the assigned human's soul at the moment of death and escorted it to its Ever After' or, 'No. I am incompetent and should be demoted right away. Maybe I could be an Angel of the Morning. They don't require many brain cells.'

There was a knock on the door-frame of Neil's office and Dan strode inside. Her white wing feathers rustled impatiently.

"Hey, Neil, buddy," she said, her tone making it obvious that she was buttering him up.

"No," he said flatly.

"You haven't even heard what I want!"

"You only ever sound like that when you want me to do something I'm not going to like. My answer is no."

"The problem with that is that I'm not actually making a request. I _am_ your supervisor."

Neil pinched the bridge of his nose. "What do you want?"

"Well, it's almost February…"

"Absolutely not," said Neil. "You said I wouldn't have to do it again."

"I know," said Dan morosely. "But the Cupids are really swamped this time of year."

"So am I! February is a complete garbage month. The entire northern hemisphere is covered in ice. People are slipping and falling, cars are skidding off roads, people are dying of exposure…"

"Try not to sound so happy about that. Nevertheless, your department can spare you. We don't have enough Cupids to go around."

"That sounds like an HR problem. They should have increased hiring to anticipate staffing needs."

"That's being discussed for next year but that doesn't solve our current shortage."

"Can't you get Matt to do it? He loves all that romantic horseshit."

"He's on a guardian assignment."

"How about Kevin?"

She stared at him. "Kevin is possibly less suited to being a Cupid than you are, which is saying a lot considering you just referred to love as 'romantic horseshit'. Besides, the Archangels would never approve a temporary transfer of an Angel of Mercy into a Cupid."

"I don't see how that's any worse than transferring an Angel of Death to the Cupid department."

"You guys are easy to transfer. Your assignments, by their very nature, don't last long. You don't have any ongoing files that have to be covered by someone else while you're on temporary Cupid duty."

"But I don't _want_ to," whined Neil.

"Tough," said Dan, passing over three file folders. "You've already received your assignment. It's a family unit: a pair of twins and their cousin. All are in need of a Cupid to help them make successful love connections. It'll be easy!"

"Don't jinx it!" Neil admonished in annoyance, throwing his pen at her. "You realize, of course, that you've just doomed me to the most difficult Cupid assignment of all time?"

"Sorry, sorry," she said, raising her hands in a placating manner. "I'm sure everything will go smoothly, you big drama queen."

"Now you're just doing it on purpose."

"As soon you finish this assignment you'll be right back to your regular duties."

Neil sighed deeply. "I'll only do it if you promise that I never have to do another Cupid assignment again," he bargained.

"I promise," said Dan. "This is the last one. You're free from Cupid duty forever as soon as Aaron Minyard, Nicholas Hemmick, and Andrew Minyard find love."

* * *

Neil had flipped through the files that Dan provided but he knew that the best way to figure out the needs of his new assignments was to perform his own reconnaissance. Luckily the three cousins lived in Columbia, South Carolina, a city that was big enough that he would be able to both find matches for them and contrive a first meeting without much trouble. Cupid assignments where humans lived in tiny, out-of-the-way places were much more difficult.

He decided to start with Nicholas. According to the files he should be much easier to match than his cousins.

Neil hovered invisibly in Nicholas' living room, reading the man's heart and mind. Nicholas was practically crying out to be loved. He needed someone who could deal with both his exuberance and his more melancholy moments; he needed support and acceptance for who he was. He was attracted to men; namely buff men who were bigger than he was and who wouldn't be opposed to cuddling.

There were also things that Nicholas wanted in a partner that Neil classified as non-essential requirements, such as a shared faith or a sexy accent.

Neil started his search at local gyms. He was able to dismiss the homophobic dudebros on sight but he very quickly had a list of 'maybes'. He was looking for someone who had a high compatibility with Nicholas; someone who met Nicholas' needs and wants but whose own needs and wants would be satisfied in a relationship with Nicholas.

After three days of searching, Neil thought he'd found who he was looking for. Erik Klose was a recent immigrant from Germany who needed someone fun to temper his own seriousness and who wanted someone to take care of. He was as desperate to love as Nicholas was to be loved, looking for a connection in his new country. They were over ninety percent compatible, a number which almost guaranteed that they'd fall in love, barring any outside circumstances. All Neil had to do was get them to meet.

He made a couple adjustments to the probability lines. Nothing major: he ensured that Erik's car wouldn't start, that Nicholas' bus was running late, and that Nicholas' shoes came untied at an inopportune moment. Then he sat back and watched the meet-cute. It all went to plan: Nicholas tripped; Erik caught him.

"Thank you," said Nicholas breathlessly, gazing up at his rescuer.

"My pleasure," said Erik. "I couldn't let such a beautiful face get damaged, could I?"

And that was that.

Granted, Neil's assignment was not actually complete (it would take time before Nicholas actually fell in love) but he'd set everything in motion. He'd keep an eye on these two to make sure that nothing drastic happened to derail their relationship, but in the meantime he could get started on finding love for the Minyard twins.

* * *

Aaron Minyard needed a woman who was cheerful enough to compensate for his own dour attitude and who could draw him out of his shell. She needed to be intelligent enough to match him intellectually and patient enough to handle his bouts of uncommunicativeness. She had to be bold so that she could break through his prickly exterior but she couldn't take advantage of his passivity to control him.

It was a pretty tall order (although she couldn't be _too_ tall or she'd completely dwarf the five-foot Aaron) and Neil was worried that he wouldn't be able to find someone who fit all these criteria whose own needs and wants could be met by Aaron.

It took him two weeks of searching before he found her. He'd been about to give up on finding anyone perfect and to start orchestrating meetings with moderately-compatible people in the hopes of sparking a relationship, but then he'd come across Katelyn.

She was smart and determined and stubborn and was looking for someone who valued her brain as much as her beauty. She felt that all things worth having required effort and possessed a quiet self-confidence.

It was slightly more difficult for Neil to set up their meeting than it had been for Nicholas and Erik. Both Aaron and Katelyn were medical residents, but they were in different programs at different hospitals. Neil'd had to arrange a completely improbable mix-up in a patient's file so that Katelyn would be somewhere she usually wasn't just in time to serendipitously meet Aaron. Although they'd hit it off and flirted a little, nothing had come of the meeting.

Neil had made sure they'd met a second and then a third time before Katelyn seemed to realize that the universe was sending her a message. She'd asked Aaron out and their date had been successful.

Buoyed by his two successes, Neil turned to his attention toward the last of his assignments. Surely setting Andrew up would go just as smoothly.

* * *

Neil knew from the moment he entered Andrew's apartment that this assignment would not be as straightforward as the last two. Andrew's heart and mind were difficult to read; unlike his brother and cousin he wasn't open to the opportunity of finding love. As far as Neil could tell he was actively avoiding even the possibility of it.

Still, Neil was not deterred. The file had said that Andrew was due to fall in love so Neil would help him. Andrew would need someone who respected his rigid boundaries and was unique enough to pique his interest. He wanted a pretty face, a quick wit, and no one who could make him feel small (which, as he wasn't any taller than his twin severely limited the number of men he was willing to date).

Neil's survey of local gay clubs found several men who fit some of Andrew's criteria but no one who was out-of-the-ordinary enough to catch and keep his attention. Nobody even achieved over fifty percent compatibility. He was going to have to go about this the hard way: continually throwing men into Andrew's path and hoping that one might stick.

Neil nudged the confidence of the barista at Andrew's regular coffee shop. Andrew consumed his entire coffee without once glancing at the number that had been written on his cup. Then, he looked up to make eye contact with the barista as he deliberately crumpled the cup and discarded it. 0-for-1.

Neil made a mouthy twink stumble into Andrew as he walked to his car after work. He offered Andrew a flirty smile. Andrew brandished a knife. 0-for-2.

Neil sent a surge of courage to one of Andrew's co-workers, which fortified him enough to ask Andrew out on a date. Andrew pretended that he didn't understand English. 0-for-3.

Neil drained the battery in Andrew's car, making him have to commute to work. Andrew stared into space and didn't interact with anyone, completely ignoring the man that Neil had sent into his orbit. 0-for-4.

Frustrated, Neil decided that he needed advice. Dan was not happy to see him when he showed up for their regular Thursday game night.

"You aren't supposed to be here," she hissed, ushering him into her home. "You're not allowed back until you've completed your assignment. It shouldn't even be possible for you to leave Earth."

"I know a couple tricks, but I can't stay long," he admitted, walking into the dining room where the others were setting up a game. "What are you going to do, report me? Besides, I'm here _because_ of my assignment. I need help."

"Ooo," said Allison, pursing her lips. Her red lipstick matched her feathers perfectly. "Is the ickle Cupid having problems?"

"Be nice," said Matt. "We should reward Neil for actually asking for help for once."

"Fine," sighed Dan. "What seems to be the problem?"

Neil explained how badly he'd been failing at setting Andrew up with anyone.

"And he's not looked at anyone the entire time you've been monitoring him?" asked Dan.

"He's gone to a club a couple times to hook up," said Neil.

"What about those men?" asked Matt.

"No good," said Neil, shaking his head. "He seems to pick them based on the fact that they're uninterested in anything serious or long-term."

"Send him a plumber," said Kevin.

"...Is that a euphemism?" asked Neil.

"No," said Kevin, affronted. "Break a pipe in his apartment and send him a hot plumber."

"This isn't porn," said Dan. "What are you expecting? Bow chicka wow wow, 'Hey, I'm here to snake your drain,' and bam! Married?"

"I'd watch that porno," said Matt.

"I've seen that porno," said Allison.

Kevin huffed. "I don't see what's wrong with my plan. Maybe your human should stop being so contrary!"

"Yeah, I'll just tell him that, shall I?" said Neil.

"Humans' lives would be so much easier if they just did exactly what we told them to," said Kevin.

"True," said Allison.

"Seriously guys? This is the best advice you can offer?" said Neil.

"I think you just have to keep trying until you find the person that's right for him," said Renee apologetically. "He doesn't seem interested in strangers; does he have any compatible friends?"

"Does the person I've described sound overly social to you?" asked Neil.

"One his neighbours, then?" said Renee.

"Maybe get someone moderately compatible to help him change a flat tire?" suggested Matt.

"Trap him in an elevator with someone," said Allison.

"Have you tried setting him up with someone at the gym?" asked Dan. "The endorphins from exercise might mellow him out."

"Plumber," said Kevin.

Neil tried all his friends' ideas. He mixed up Andrew's mail with someone who lived in his building, hoping to spark a conversation. Andrew reported the man for mail tampering. 0-for-5.

Neil gave Andrew a flat tire. A man in a passing vehicle stopped and offered to help. Andrew declined, changing the tire himself. 0-for-6.

It took some manoeuvring, but Neil managed to stall an elevator, trapping Andrew inside. When the other man trapped alongside him attempted to speak to him, Andrew put in his earbuds and turned up the volume of his music so loud that it was audible across the elevator. 0-for-7.

Neil made one of the men at Andrew's gym more aware of his surroundings, which meant he noticed Andrew. He offered to spot Andrew's weight lifting. Andrew deliberately dropped his free weight on the man's foot. 0-for-8.

Desperately, Neil broke a pipe in Andrew's apartment. The super called a plumber. There was no porn-inspired happy ending. 0-for-9.

Neil didn't know what to do. The only men that Andrew didn't dismiss were the men he hooked up with, but he never exchanged his number with them and he never hooked up with the same man twice. Maybe Neil could try to make something happen with one of them?

The next time that Andrew went out to his preferred club, he set his sights on the new bartender, Roland. The two of them seemed to hit it off, Roland plying Andrew with free drinks and taking Andrew into the staff room after his shift. Neil made sure that a piece of paper with Andrew's name and phone number found its way into Roland's pocket.

The next day Roland texted Andrew that they should hook up again sometime. Neil watched as Andrew blocked the number and deleted the text.

"Oh, come on!" he shouted, manifesting in Andrew's living room. "It's like you're _trying_ to be deliberately unhelpful!"

Andrew was off his couch in a flash, throwing a knife directly at Neil. Although Neil had made himself visible he hadn't made himself corporeal, so the knife passed harmlessly through him.

"What the fuck?" said Andrew, his usual blank expression morphing into confusion. "What the fuck are you?"

"I'm your Cupid," said Neil impatiently. "And you're making my life very difficult right now!"

Andrew stared at him for another couple beats before shrugging and settling back on the couch, his back to Neil. "That checks out," he said.

"Wait, that's it?" said Neil. "Humans are typically a lot more disbelieving when we show ourselves to them."

"What's not to believe? You appeared in my apartment out of thin air wearing nothing but white shorts and sporting pink, fluffy wings."

"Oh, for—" muttered Neil, looking down at himself. He never paid attention to his appearance when he was floating around invisibly and he'd forgotten about the stupid uniforms that Cupids wore. He snapped his fingers to dress himself in jeans and a hoodie. He couldn't do anything about the colour of his wings; colour denoted classification. He missed his usual sleek black feathers.

"Here's the thing, Andrew," said Neil, circling the couch so Andrew could look at him without craning his neck, "I'm stuck with you until you fall in love. So if you could stop being so fucking stubborn and put in a little effort, I would really appreciate it."

"I have no intention of ever falling in love," said Andrew. "You can give up and flit off back to wherever you came from."

"No can do. I can't return to the Angelic Plain until I finish this assignment."

"And you called me stubborn."

"No, I physically _can't_. I'm trapped here until you fall in love or you die."

"Hope for the latter."

Neil let his eyes unfocus, gazing past Andrew's physical form to look at his lifeline. "Nope, sorry," he said. "You've got _decades_ ahead of you. _Wow_ , you're going to be old. For a human, I mean."

Andrew looked momentarily taken aback before regrouping. "Sucks for you. You probably shouldn't have decided to interfere in my life."

"Okay, one," said Neil, feeling great offense, "Angels don't interfere; they _help_."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"And two," he continued, holding up two fingers to help make his point, "I'm only here because you _asked_ me to be."

"I most certainly did not."

"Well of course you didn't; not consciously," said Neil, waving his hand. "But only people who want to fall in love but who need a little help get assigned Cupids. I assure you, I have all the proper paperwork."

"Paperwork," said Andrew disdainfully. "I have a twin; maybe you mixed us up?"

"Nope," said Neil popping the p. "I've already got Aaron all sorted. Your cousin Nicholas, too. You're the only one who's causing problems."

Andrew was off the couch again, reaching for Neil. His hand passed through Neil's neck. He blinked once and stared at his hand for a moment before glaring at Neil. "What did you do to them? Drug them? Shoot them with one of your 'arrows'?"

"No," said Neil in annoyance, briefly granting one of his hands substance so he could push Andrew out of his personal space. "You're not _listening_. We help. We can't manufacture feelings or change people's personalities or behaviours. All I did was find someone compatible and arranged for them to meet. Like I've been doing for you. Only _they_ weren't going out of their way to isolate themselves!"

"How did you do that?" asked Andrew, looking down at his chest where Neil had pushed him.

"How do I do anything?" retorted Neil. "Magic, obviously."

"Magic," snorted Andrew. "Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm not going along with your plans for me, whatever they are."

"I'm not trying to _force_ you to do anything," said Neil. "All I want is for you to be open to the people I set you up with."

Andrew pointed at his front door. "You can let yourself out."

"I'm not going anywhere," said Neil. "You're going to fall in love whether you want to or not."

"Don't hold your breath," said Andrew. "Or, rather, do."

"That wouldn't kill me."

"Pity," said Andrew, walking through Neil and toward his bedroom door. "Don't follow me."

* * *

At three am Andrew exited his room, his face set.

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, Banana phone!" Neil sang from his perch on Andrew's couch. He'd been loudly singing the most annoying songs he knew for the past five hours.

"I was hoping you were a hallucination but I don't think I could invent something so irritating," said Andrew. "Go away."

"Gladly," said Neil. "As soon as you fall in love: poof! I'll disappear."

"Go away now."

"I can't," said Neil. "And since you've declined my help, I really have nothing to do but sit here and sing."

Andrew glared.

"It'll only get worse," promised Neil. "I don't need to breathe, I don't eat, I don't sleep. I decide who can see me and what I can interact with." To illustrate his point he picked up a pillow and tossed it as Andrew, who easily batted it away. "I can follow you around for the rest of your life, seen only by you, singing obnoxiously."

Andrew rubbed his face. "If I agree to let you set me up will you shut the fuck up?"

"Yes," said Neil, before singing, "It's a small world, after all; it's a small world, after all."

"Stop," said Andrew. "Why."

"You asked me a hypothetical question," said Neil. "You didn't actually offer to make a deal."

Andrew closed his eyes briefly, visibly irritated that he hadn't tricked Neil. "You're not going to win," he said.

"You're severely underestimating how annoying I can be," said Neil. "You'll give in after two days, tops."

* * *

"We pan across the palace of Genovia…"

"Shut up," muttered Andrew, keeping his head down.

"Can't," said Neil. "I've got to tell you the entire plot of The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. I think you'll really enjoy it."

"What's the likelihood of you suddenly dropping dead?"

"Infinitesimally small."

"Hey, Minyard," said one of his co-workers. "Who the hell are you talking to?"

"Careful," said Neil. "You don't want anyone to think you're hearing voices."

Andrew put in his earbuds and tried to turn on music to drown Neil out.

"The castle is a lovely, white, fairy-tale-style castle." Neil's voice, loud and amplified, played through the earbuds. Andrew ripped them from his ears and glared.

"You didn't think it'd be that easy to tune me out, did you?" asked Neil. "Now, as I was saying: Mia arrives in Genovia…"

* * *

"Andrew?!" said Neil loudly and dramatically. He was enjoying himself far more than he should be. "What are you doing?"

Andrew didn't react, but the man who Andrew had been trying to pick up took a step back and looked at Neil with alarm. "Who are you?" he said.

"Who am _I_?" said Neil. " _Who am I_? I'm his _husband_ , that's who I am. Who the hell are you?"

"Uhhh," said the guy, taking another step back, before turning and fleeing.

" _This_ is where you've been, while I've been at home with our sick son?!" gasped Neil, turning on Andrew. "How could you?"

Andrew gave him a steely glare. "I thought the whole point of you was to find me a boyfriend."

"Oh, is that was this was?" asked Neil, as sarcastically as possible. "You were making a _loooove_ connection? You and cheating-on-his-wife over there were going to run off into the sunset together?"

"We could have," said Andrew mulishly.

"Nope, sorry," said Neil. "And I'm going to make sure that, unless you start cooperating, you're not getting laid any time soon."

"You're the worst," said Andrew.

* * *

"I just met you," sang Neil, "and this is craaaaazy! But here's my number; so call me maybe." He'd been singing the song repetitively for the last ninety minutes.

"Fine," spat Andrew, slamming open his bedroom door. "I will go along with your attempts to set me up—"

"And you'll make an actual effort on dates and not just dismiss anyone out of hand," added Neil.

"—and you will stop going out of your way to irritate me. You will not come to my work and you'll never sing in my presence ever again."

"Deal," said Neil, and offered his hand. "I won't even gloat."

Andrew glowered, but shook Neil's hand. Their hands glowed yellow to signal the mutual acceptance of their deal.

"The fuck?" said Andrew.

"Magic. It means you can't back out of our deal."

Andrew closed his eyes in defeat. "Fuck off and let me sleep."

"Gladly," said Neil. "You need your rest. Tomorrow night we're finding you a boyfriend."

* * *

Andrew's hallucination was sitting on his couch, completely engrossed in watching a documentary about bees and eating popcorn, when Andrew got home from work. He wasn't sure if he was surprised or not. He found it strange that his mind would break completely _now_ when he'd become more or less stable and not in college when he'd had God-even-knew how many different substances flowing through his veins.

But the hallucination was still present, having not followed Andrew to work as promised. He was wearing the same ratty clothes as the last few days which gave Andrew pause. Surely his brain would dress a hot guy much better, right? Honestly, if the 'Cupid' had the ability to manifest whatever clothes he wanted with a snap of his fingers why did he choose to look like a college student who hadn't done laundry since he'd last been at his parents'?

"You said you didn't eat," said Andrew, eyeing the bag of microwavable popcorn. It had definitely once been in his cupboard, which meant that his hallucination was stealing food from him.

"I don't _have_ to eat," said the hallucination. "I _can_ eat. And food is delicious. I eat whenever I'm on Earth."

"Where are your wings?"

"Invisible and incorporeal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to properly sit on a couch when you have wings?"

His hallucination— and, no, that was enough of that.

"What's your name?" asked Andrew.

"Oh," said his hallucination, looking sheepish. "I guess I never really introduced myself, did I? I'm Neil."

"Neil," repeated Andrew. "That's not very Cupid-like."

"Well if you want to be pedantic, technically I'm formally known as The Angel Nathaniel, but that seems a little pretentious," said Neil. "And anyway, I'm not really a Cupid. I'm just a temporary fill-in because their department is terrible at organization."

"Right."

"I blame Hallmark."

"The greeting card company?"

"Yes! They basically invented Valentine's Day in order to increase sales. And because of the stupid manufactured holiday everyone wishes for love this time of year and the Cupids get swamped. They never hire enough staff and the rest of us get forced to bail them out."

If this _was_ a hallucination then Andrew's brain was much more creative than he'd suspected.

"It is March," he said.

"It was almost February when I got pulled off my regular job to take this assignment." Neil narrowed his eyes at Andrew. "For _some reason_ it's taking much longer than I anticipated."

"What's your regular job?"

"I'm an Angel of Death."

"With pink wings?"

"Ha, no. Feather colours indicate Angelic position. For example, Guardian Angels have blue wings, Avenging Angels have red wings, etcetera, etcetera," said Neil. "My wings are usually black."

"Because you're an Angel of Death."

"Uh huh."

"You kill people?"

Neil glared at him. "Angels _help_ , as I've already told you. We don't control who lives or dies. All I do is release souls from dead bodies and escort them to their Ever After."

There was a lot to unpack with that statement. Andrew decided to go for the obvious. "There's an afterlife?"

"Eh," said Neil, tilting his hand from side to side. "You'll see."

Andrew tried staring at Neil in silence, something which often succeeded in making people uncomfortable enough that they told him what he wanted to know. Unfortunately Neil seemed immune.

"I think we should head out to a club tonight," he said instead. "Unless you want to unblock Roland's number and invite him out?"

"I was bored of him before I even got off," said Andrew. "You can do better than that, can't you?"

Neil squared his jaw at the challenge. "You're too picky," he said, "but fine. I'll let you use a veto."

"How many do I get?"

Neil smiled at him sharply. Something caught in Andrew's chest. "One," said Neil. "Now that it's out of the way, go get ready. Make sure to eat something; we're not coming back until you have a proper date set up. No more hookups for you!"

* * *

After making dinner it took Andrew an inordinate amount of time to get ready to go out, especially since as far as Neil could tell he looked the same as he usually did, except that his shirt was tighter. Once he emerged from his bedroom, he grimaced at what Neil was wearing.

"You won't fit in wearing that," he said.

"No one can see me but you."

"Still, it wouldn't hurt to make your jeans tighter and your shirt nicer."

"Fine," sighed Neil. He changed his clothing with a snap. "Better?"

Andrew looked at him appraisingly. "That shirt's the wrong style for you." He picked up his tablet and started flipping through it, frequently glancing up at Neil. "Here," he finally said, handing the tablet over. "Something like that. And make your jeans skinny jeans."

"Stop delaying," chided Neil, but he dressed himself as Andrew had suggested. "Let's go."

"Never understood the appeal of dress-up dolls before," said Andrew, following Neil out the door and locking it behind them.

The club was smoky and loud and Neil really didn't get the appeal. He and Andrew snagged a table in the back corner and started surveying the crowd.

"Him?" said Andrew. "He's hot."

"No," replied Neil. "No long-term compatibility. The guy in the green might work."

"Not with that moustache he won't."

"It was a long-shot anyway." Neil munched on a fry. He'd made Andrew buy him food despite eating half of Andrew's dinner. He always forgot how much he liked food when he was actually corporeal.

Andrew kept pointing out guys he found attractive but Neil shot them all down.

"You're only picking the ones you would normally try to hook up with," Neil complained.

Andrew shrugged. "Why not?"

"Because you specifically choose them because they're not interested in a relationship."

"Alright, what about that guy? He's checking me out."

Neil glanced up and then shook his head vehemently. "Nope. He'd never respect your boundaries."

"I didn't think that trampling over my boundaries was something you cared about," said Andrew.

"He was thinking that you'd be easy to hold down because you're so short."

Andrew swallowed and clenched his hands into fists. "You can read thoughts? What am I thinking right now?"

"Okay, a) you're thinking, 'bullshit'," said Neil. "You're telegraphing it fairly obviously. And, b) I can't read thoughts, only desires. And that guy's desires do not mesh with yours." He sighed. "Look, I know you're unhappy with this whole situation, but I'm not here to force you into anything you don't want."

"That's exactly why you're here."

"I am here because you deserve to love and be loved and that's what you subconsciously want. I am on your side."

Andrew was quiet for a few moments, obviously thinking over Neil's words. "You're a pain in my ass, is what you are," he muttered. "With all your magic powers you should know that what you're saying is bullshit."

"Being scared of opening yourself up to anyone and being undeserving of love are two separate and unrelated things," said Neil. "You can't fool me, Andrew. I know exactly who you are."

Andrew swallowed heavily, his eyes boring into Neil's. Neil met his gaze steadily; Andrew looked away first. "How about him?" he asked, clearing his throat and pointing at random.

* * *

Andrew paid little attention to Nicky's prattle, letting him talk as he focused on his meal. He and Nicky met about once a month for lunch and 'catching up' which involved Nicky telling Andrew seemingly every single thought he'd had since they'd last seen each other and Andrew remaining silent. Nicky was mainly talking about his boyfriend, Erik. They'd just passed their two month anniversary, which was the longest that Nicky had ever dated anyone. Andrew was interested in spite of himself, since he knew that Neil was responsible for their meeting.

Andrew had been on five dates in the last three weeks and he'd hated them much less than he'd thought he would - not that he would ever admit it out loud. Neil was actually a better matchmaker than he'd been expecting. It had been odd to actually discuss who he was attracted to; he'd never spoken out loud about his desires. It helped that Neil already knew.

None of the dates had panned out. The guys had been hot enough and maybe in other circumstances could have captured Andrew's interest but none of them had a chance of gaining his attention when there was an actual magical being waiting for him at home, annoying as he may be.

"And, oh my God, Andrew, I can't believe I forgot!" said Nicky, drawing stares from some of the bypassers on the sidewalk beside the deli's patio. The mid-April weather was sunny and mild with temperatures in the elusive sweet spot where Andrew was actually willing to be outside.

"The other day I was on Tinder and I came across your profile!" continued Nicky. "I swiped left, obviously, but it was so awkward! I didn't know you had a Tinder account."

Neither did Andrew, but he knew exactly who to blame for it. "Why were you on Tinder?" he asked instead of addressing Nicky's implied question. "I thought you were happy with Erik."

Nicky shifted guiltily. "I _am_ ," he said. "It's just… what if it falls apart?"

"What if it falls apart when he thinks you're not serious because you're still on Tinder?"

"It's already lasted longer than I'm used to," said Nicky helplessly. "Guys usually get sick of me by now."

"Erik obviously hasn't. You should stop sabotaging yourself. Trust that you two will work out." Neil's ridiculous talk about deserving love was obviously getting to him.

Nicky stared at him with wide eyes.

Andrew shrugged. "You just seem happier, is all."

Nicky looked touched, but he wisely changed the subject. "Are you coming for Easter next weekend?" Andrew nodded. "Aaron's bringing his new girlfriend, have you met her?" Andrew shook his head. "Oh, she's great. She's a literal angel."

Andrew snorted. He highly doubted it. He knew an angel and he was an irritating, smart-mouthed asshole. If Aaron's girlfriend was an angel, their tastes were more similar than Andrew had believed.

Andrew paused and reviewed his last thought. Well. That could be a problem.

* * *

When Andrew arrived back at his place after lunch Neil was… doing something. He seemed to be rubbing his back against a door jamb.

"What are you doing?" asked Andrew, momentarily abandoning the question he had originally planned.

" _Itchy_ ," complained Neil. "I haven't had a proper preening for months."

Neil rarely left his wings visible but Andrew could see that the fluffy, pink feathers were in disarray, some bent or broken.

Andrew sighed inaudibly. "Come here," he said, settling on the couch.

Neil stared stupidly until Andrew snapped impatiently and pointed to the ground at his feet. Huffing and rolling his eyes, Neil made his way over and sat. Andrew handed over his phone which he had open to the Tinder app that he had found hidden in a little-used folder.

"What's that?" he asked. He reached out to run his fingers through Neil's feathers. They were very soft and surprisingly warm.

"Tinder," said Neil. "Obviously."

"Why is it on my phone?"

"We're looking for quality through quantity," said Neil, looking at the screen. His eyes glazed slightly, the way they did every time he judged someone. "Ugh," he said, swiping left. "Dudebro with internalized homophobia."

Andrew made an inquisitive noise. "He's actively looking to hook up with guys."

"Despite that, he'd definitely say, 'No homo,' when he has another man's dick in his mouth," said Neil. His feathers ruffled. "That feels good."

 _No homo, indeed_ , thought Andrew wryly. Out loud he said, as disdainfully as possible, "So he's not worthy of love?"

"He probably is," said Neil. "I don't care. He's not my assignment." He continued swiping left, muttering under his breath. "Cries during sex… this one's a catfish… gym selfie, gym selfie, gym selfie." After getting rid of those in rapid succession he cocked his head to the side in contemplation. "If a guy's favourite music style is showtunes—"

"Hard pass," said Andrew.

"I figured," sighed Neil, setting Andrew's phone aside. "How was Nicky?"

"Freaking out about his relationship," said Andrew.

"Makes sense with his abandonment issues."

"Shouldn't you do something?"

"He's already in love," shrugged Neil. "That's my job. It's not my responsibility to make sure that people _stay_ together. Relationships break up all the time for various reasons and people fall out of love. It's why I hate Cupid duty, actually. I don't understand it at all."

"You seem confident enough while matchmaking."

"Oh, that's easy. It's all math and probabilities. It's the outliers I don't understand. People with high compatibilities that somehow never have a spark or people with low compatibilities that nevertheless are the loves of each other's lives. It's why I like my actual job. Death is very black and white."

"What about near death experiences?"

"Those are the responsibility of Angels of Mercy."

"What colour are their feathers?" asked Andrew, endlessly fascinated by the facts about angels that Neil let drop.

"Orange," said Neil. "My friend Kevin hates them."

"Better than pink, at least." Andrew tried not to think about how much he liked Neil's pink feathers against his fingers.

Neil hummed in agreement. "My friends think I'd be better with the whole Cupid thing if I'd ever been in love myself but it's never been something I've been interested in."

"Sounds familiar. Maybe a feathered nuisance will show up and force you to be," said Andrew dryly. "I guess there's no Mrs. Cupid waiting for you at home?"

"That's incredibly heteronormative of you, Andrew."

Andrew huffed in amusement. "So you're what? Ace? Aro?"

"Somewhere on the spectrum, yeah," said Neil.

"What do Cupids do about aromantic people?" asked Andrew.

"Leave them alone, obviously," said Neil. "They get Angels of Good Fortune to take care of their relationship wishes. They have rainbow wings," he supplied automatically, anticipating Andrew's question. "My friend Renee dyed her hair to match."

"That's gay."

"Yes she is."

Andrew took his hands out of Neil's feathers, knowing that he'd finished sorting them out several minutes prior but hadn't wanted to stop touching Neil. "There you go, all done."

"Thanks," said Neil. "Dinner?"

"I just ate," said Andrew. "You can raid the fridge if you want. There should still be leftovers from last night." His grocery bill had increased exponentially since Neil started hanging around despite the fact that he claimed that he didn't need to eat. On the other hand, Andrew's apartment was always clean and tidy now. He wasn't sure if Neil was using magic or was just incredibly bored during the day when Andrew was at work, but he wasn't about to complain.

"Speaking of dinner, Nicky invited me for Easter. Do you want to come?"

"To check up on him and Aaron?"

"No, with me so I don't have to be the fifth wheel. You can make yourself visible and I'll introduce you as my date."

"Did you clear it with Nicky?"

"No way," said Andrew. "I'm still not completely convinced you're not a hallucination. I'm not going to acknowledge you in front of other people until they do it first."

* * *

Neil was strangely nervous standing on Nicky's doorstep waiting for him to answer the doorbell. He had a vague idea that showing up at someone's house for dinner without warning them that you were coming was rude, but Andrew had been adamant about saying nothing about Neil until his family proved that they could see him. Plus, spending time with people that he'd spent weeks spying on while invisible was bound to be awkward. Andrew didn't count. Andrew was like no one he had ever met and nothing about their situation was ordinary.

He'd been dragging his feet on setting Andrew up for more dates since his first ones hadn't worked out and he hadn't been as annoyed that they hadn't worked out as he should have been. The problem was that he knew Andrew now, even better after interacting with him, and he knew that none of the guys he'd found were perfect for Andrew. Andrew deserved the best.

It didn't matter. He'd been enjoying himself spending his evenings with Andrew, eating and talking and watching TV. He wasn't missing home and his usual work as much as he had been previously.

"Andrew!" said Nicky, throwing open the door. He did a double take at the sight of Neil. "And who's this?"

"This is Neil," said Andrew. "I've been seeing him since last month." Neil rolled his eyes at Andrew sticking to the literal truth.

"You didn't say!" cried Nicky in dismay. "Good thing we made way too much food." He turned to greet Neil effusively.

It was strange, being seen. Nicky, Erik, and Katelyn all welcomed him without question. Aaron watched him with suspicion, but Neil knew that it was because his protective instincts for Andrew were flaring up. Andrew was watching Katelyn suspiciously, too.

It was the first time that Neil ever stayed around the see the aftermath of his work. It made him feel desperately lonely. They were all so happy. Despite little arguments or grievances they were all more settled and content then when he'd first met them. They'd all found what they were looking for: a partner to share in their failures and triumphs, to support them and be there for them no matter what. Someone who knew all the parts of them and loved them both because of and despite their flaws.

He wanted to find that for Andrew. Andrew was special. He would have to start being pickier with the men he chose.

* * *

Neil frowned into the fridge. There was nothing that he wanted to eat. The cupboards also lacked anything interesting. What he really wanted was about twelve thousand egg rolls, but he had no way to get them. Andrew had his phone with him and, per their deal, Neil was not allowed to show up at his place of work. He couldn't even physically go to anywhere to buy egg rolls: he didn't have any money and he didn't think they'd let him pay by reciting Andrew's credit card number.

There was a strange shift out in Andrew's living room, a sudden drop in pressure. Curious, Neil padded out to investigate.

Kevin was standing in the middle of the room, looking paler than usual and sporting black wing feathers. Relief flashed through his eyes when he saw Neil, only to be quickly replaced by annoyance.

"Well, you're still alive, at least," he said.

"We're immortal," Neil pointed out.

"If one of us could somehow manage to improbably die, it would be you."

"That's fair," Neil conceded. "What are you doing here? And why are you an Angel of Death?" A thought occurred to him. "Are you here for Andrew? I won't let you take him."

"I'm here to check up on you," huffed Kevin. "You've been gone for _months_. Dan's worried and Matt's so panicked he's practically having kittens."

"My assignment isn't finished yet," said Neil guiltily. He hadn't set Andrew up on a date in weeks and he hadn't wanted to.

"It shouldn't be this difficult," mused Kevin. "Maybe the paperwork was wrong? I'll double check when I get back."

"No, don't," said Neil, worried that he'd be forced to return to the Angelic Plain. "I think I'm finally getting somewhere."

Kevin gave him a hard stare before shrugging. "If you say so. Just come back soon."

"Aw, you miss me, Kevin?"

"No," said Kevin petulantly. "It's only that game nights aren't as fun with only five people."

"I miss game nights," said Neil wistfully. He did, but he didn't miss the evenings he didn't spend with his friends, quiet and alone.

"I'd better get back to work," said Kevin. "Leverett and Lakes are both on vacation and since you're still on a Cupid assignment I had to fill in. I'll let Dan and Matt know that you're okay."

"Thanks," said Neil. "Say hi to them for me."

Kevin turned to leave, but then he paused and cocked his head. "What's his last name?" he asked, gazing at a picture on Andrew's wall. It was a photo from his graduation: Nicky was beaming happily with his blank-faced cousins on either side of him.

"Minyard."

"He looks familiar. I think he's one of mine. His name was Doe, though."

"It was until he was sixteen," said Neil, his heart in his throat. "He almost died?" He was used to dealing with death on a regular basis; he didn't understand why Andrew's brush with it over a decade ago would upset him so much.

"I remember it was really close," said Kevin thoughtfully. "He was twelve, or so. It was one of those cases that could have gone either way. We had to send it up to the Archangels for arbitration on whether to send an Angel of Mercy or an Angel of Death. I argued hard for mercy; I could tell he had potential."

"Everyone has potential," said Neil weakly. Horror crept over him at how close it had been for Andrew. He'd seen the self-inflicted scars but he hadn't known that Andrew had almost died because of them. Would he have been the one who was sent to collect Andrew's soul, ignorant of how important Andrew was? He felt nauseous at the thought. The urge to hug Kevin tightly and thank him profusely was almost overwhelming.

Kevin was watching him, his brow furrowed. "Something's not right," he mused. "Are you sure you're not in over your head?"

"No," said Neil, confused by his emotions. "But don't worry about it; I'll be fine."

"The last time you said that, Renee had to save you from a manticore," Kevin said suspiciously.

"I highly doubt Andrew will turn into a manticore," said Neil.

* * *

Andrew always assumed that falling in love would be sudden. Like falling off a roof; his stomach in free-fall as he braced himself for the inevitable, shattering impact.

In the end, falling in love was so gradual that he didn't even notice at first and it felt like coming home.

Andrew gratefully let himself into his apartment, letting the artificially cool air wash over him. The late August humidity made it unpleasant to be outside for any length of time, especially while wearing his work clothes.

"It's hot as balls out there," he said, walking into his living room. "Oh, fuck you," he said when he caught sight of Neil, who was looking cool and refreshed while wearing a hoodie.

Neil wiggled his fingers. "Magic. I don't have to feel the heat if I don't want to."

Andrew tossed him his phone. "I'm beat. Order something in."

"Dumplings?" said Neil, perking up.

"Whatever you want," said Andrew magnanimously, heading into his bedroom to change his clothing.

The routine was both domestic and familiar. Every so often Neil seemed to remember that he was supposed to be finding Andrew a boyfriend and would set him up on a date. Andrew went along with it without protest; he knew that at the end of the night he'd go home to Neil, which was what he wanted. He'd play along as long as it kept Neil with him. He wanted Neil to stay forever.

"Queue up Netflix," Andrew called. "We'll watch the next episode while we're waiting."

Deafening silence was the only answer. Curious, he walked back into the living room, only to be met by emptiness. His phone lay on the couch, open to an in-progress call.

"Neil?" he said, only to be met by absolute stillness. His apartment hadn't been this quiet since before Neil had first appeared.

Andrew was fairly intelligent and he didn't believe in lying to himself so it didn't take him long to figure out what had happened. He had actually fallen for the one person who was guaranteed to disappear as soon as Andrew developed real feelings for him.

"Well, fuck," he said into his empty apartment.

* * *

Three days later, Andrew exited his morning shower to an unexpected, but welcome and familiar, presence.

Neil looked very different than he had only a few days previously. His skin was several shades paler, his hair was several shades darker, and his fluffy, pink feathers had transformed into feathers that were sleek and black like a raven's. His dimpled cheeks had been replaced by a more angular face and cheekbones sharp enough to cut glass. He looked as if he'd suddenly decided to become a goth version of himself.

"Hey," he said when Andrew entered the living room. "Sorry it took me so long to come see you; you would not _believe_ the amount of paperwork they made me fill out. Apparently a human falling for their Cupid is a big deal." He shrugged as if Andrew's feelings didn't affect him. "Honestly, I shouldn't even be here right now; I'm technically on the clock."

"Don't let me keep you," said Andrew stiffly, not letting any emotions show through. He'd always known that Neil wasn't someone he got to keep. "See you around. Or not, I guess."

"Oh," said Neil, his feathers ruffling. "My shift's only eight hours. I was planning on coming back afterwards." He paused awkwardly. "Unless you don't want me to?"

"How I feel about you isn't a secret anymore," said Andrew, since it would be pointless to deny it. "What is it that you want?"

"Andrew, I am _literally_ magic. I can go anywhere that I want. I'm here. And I plan to keep coming back here to be with you." He gestured helplessly. "I didn't know what it was. Not until I found myself on the Angelic Plain and my biggest worry was that the Archangels wouldn't let me come home to you."

"How could you not know? Aren't you able to read desires? Mine are a big flashing sign that say 'Neil'."

"I had no reason to read yours again! I already knew what you were looking for." Neil's expression turned rueful. "It didn't occur to me that I fit the bill."

"Maybe you're just bad at your job."

"Hey, I'm awesome at my job," defended Neil. "Both Aaron and Nicky are in healthy relationships, thank you very much. And I did technically put the person you fell for directly in your path."

"You appeared in my living room to yell at me."

"What's with your judgmental tone? You're the one who's apparently into that."

Andrew didn't answer, not wanting to confirm Neil's assertion. Neil was hot when he was all riled up. Other than when they'd met the only times Andrew had seen his temper was when he was shouting at contestants in competitive cooking shows.

"You can stay with me?" he asked instead, needing confirmation.

"As long as you want me to."

"It depends."

"On?"

"On whether or not you're singing," said Andrew.

Neil smiled like the sunrise. "We made a deal that I wasn't allowed to do that anymore, remember?" he said. "Although, I guess the only dates you have to go on now are with me. Speaking of, why haven't you kissed me yet?"

Andrew was across the room in a couple strides, pulling Neil against him. He cupped Neil's face in his palms, running his thumbs over the unfamiliar planes. "I kinda miss the cherubic look," he admitted.

"Never again," said Neil. "I'm finished with Cupid duty forever. You were my last."

"I can live with that," said Andrew, and leaned in to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on tumblr [@gluupor](http://gluupor.tumblr.com).


End file.
